Sunday, July 16, 2017

PARENT INDUCED WASTEFULNESS- PIW

When parents strive to give their children the best of everything at an early age, they are sowing seeds for materially insatiable monsters that are prone to sloth, apathy, avarice and fear.
 Don’t stand in self- defense as yet. I have proof. As I sit in my counselor’s chair day after day I encounter an altogether new disorder that I have come to label as- Parent Induced Wastefulness (PIW).
Here are a few examples: 
  1. 26-year-old Manas does not want to finish his Engineering degree because he does not ‘feel like’ studying. But he harasses his parents every day for his spending money. He tells me that whenever he did not feel like any doing particular activity his parents told him he can quit. They always said they did not want him to get ‘stressed’ like they had when growing up.
  1. 34-year-old Raghav is a qualified Engineer and is married for 2 years but his wife is not ready to live with him hence the counseling. He is qualified al right but refuses to stick to any job as it makes his feel stressed! Every two months he runs back home from work and wants his parents to solve his problem like they did every time he refused to go to school.
  1. 28 years old Anjali does not want to go back to her one-year-old marriage because it is too much for her to work in the office and then look after the household. She wants her mother to come and live with her and do the household work.
  1. 29-year-old Bhavesh showed me his horoscope (Which he carries everywhere). He says that when he was taken to one ‘reading’ since he could not clear some of his papers, the expert had told them that the horoscope showed a lot of negativity in whatever he did. “So” he says “What is the use of working when there would be nothing but negativity?”
 There are many but all originating in overzealous parents wanting to protect their children from even the smallest discomfort in childhood. You love them alright, but when you shell them from the adversities of life, what you are doing is bringing them up in a sterile environment. The result- the moment they are exposed to the world their immunity buckles up and they stand threadbare wanting to run away from everything that is anything but comfortable.
They have to live in this very world and away from you. Do you really love them? Or do you love yourself more? If it is them, then you would ensure to make them future ready- let them face, talk to them, provide support, but let them face- housework, studies, bullying and adversities. Tell them money is limited and let them learn to hear a lot of ‘NO’- That’s what makes them- FUTURE READY

Saturday, April 1, 2017

DANGEROUS MISTAKES OF PARENTING Part 4

Why do we buy high speed bikes for underage children? There are too many documented accidents and yet we parents have some bizarre logic of LOVE by which we compromise their safety. Do we really love our children? Dr. Sapna Sharma has a question for all of us.



Wednesday, January 27, 2016

CHANGE


There is change all around us, in fact even within us. And here we are denying it and resisting it and desperately trying to cling on to our comfort zone. No sir! We do not wish for change. It is too much for our fixed concepts, frozen ideas, rusted beliefs and decaying notions.

But then change is the only permanence here. Want it or not it is here to stay. What we are doing is putting our energy at the wrong place. IF we feel that we are not the ones resisting change- do stop and think. What is the reason when we tell our children that certain careers are only good?  What are we thinking when we criticize others for their chosen way of life? Why do we struggle when our spouses wish to pursue their personal choices in selection of friends or when they believe in personal space? Know that we are battling change.

Individually we may not be involved in taking up the cause of the environmental change but we live in our own environment and that keeps on changing too. However while we watch the environmental change debates while Criticizing the world leaders for turning a blind eye towards the obvious changes threatening our survival, we try to force our two/three decade old beliefs and ideas on our own, much loved new generation. Of course we always have a strong defense for our rigid behavior, “This is what we did when we were children and it was right.”

Right? Whose right and for whom? ‘Truth’ is also changing its dimensions with time and so is the ‘right’ or ‘appropriate’. It is the relevance that matters most. And apart from the time factor the individuality of each person also changes many definitions.

Unfortunately our problem is not just with our change. We are averse to the changes in others, we are averse to anything that as much even gives a nudge to our comfort zone. The attitude that anything that is not ‘ours’ is ‘anomaly’, saps all our energy and leaves nothing much to work on our change and our progress. If those wanting to look at life differently are our own flesh and blood we try our best to make them ‘like us’. (Whatever that means) Then when someone else sticks their neck out in spite of all the resistance and achieves something of significance we sigh and put it all on our ‘bad luck’ or on their ‘outrageous rashness’. 

But we keep resisting our change and then to protect our ‘rigidity’ we form more rigid beliefs and pull our loved ones into it. Our motto? “Change is risky and uncertain. Be what is, do what is sure and remain ‘ok’. All that is extraordinary is not for us.”


All I can say is- Try it once. Do stick your neck out. Feel the tingling fear of the uncertain. Feel Alive. Live your full potential, Once.